Bordeaux Update 4!

The other evening I went with my class mates to the “official” opening of this little bar that we’d been frequenting on the campus(on the campus yes, but I usually  take the tram to get there.) It was pretty nice at first. They had a live band; a reggae band at that, and so of course I was excited. That is until I realized that their set consisted entirely of Bob Marley and then one deggeh deggeh Toots  and the Maytals song. Really? Anyway, it was pleasant to jam to that, and the guitarist in particular was rather good. They took a one hour break in between stints, and I was glad when they came back for a second round UNTIL I realized that they were playing EXACTLY the same set as before the intermission. They changed the order a bit, but it was the same songs. Yikes. You can imagine that I was not amused. Anyway, at one point the lead singer tried to get me to sing along (don’t know why, I didn’t tell him I was Jamaican or anything), and so I did.

"Let's get together and feel alright"

Of course the song that he drew me into sing was “One Love”; which just happens to be the Bob Marley song that irritates me the most. *Gasp*- how can that be? How can you not love One Love? Well I’ll tell you. Firstly, it has got to be one of the most overplayed and overused songs in JA. It almost has a very touristy, kinda cheesy association to it now. I could forgive that I suppose, but my grouse lies deeper.  The supreme irony about that song is that it is the one song (discounting songs written with the Wailers) that Bob did not write most of the lyrics himself. Many people don’t know this, but the bulk of One Love was borrowed from a song called “People get ready” by Curtis Mayfield (of The Impressions). Yes that’s right, google the verses. What Bob basically did was to take that very good base ( I can see why he used it based on the message) and then add on his own, and very catchy chorus. This is the song that EVERYBODY knows and loves to sing along with; the song he probably gets most recognition for. It was named song of last century and all that jazz . THAT is what annoys me. Bob was a brilliant songwriter and there are so many of his songs in his voluminous catalogue that are simply amazing; but this is the song that ran away.  Thank-you daddy for enlightening me J.

We had a field trip that involved us being on a research vessel in the Gironde estuary. Departure time was set to 7 a.m. Believe me, that wasn’t fun; it was still dark as night and very cold. We students only had two drivers among us, but one of the lecturers was driving and offered the remaining space in his car. Instead of having us all squish 5-apiece in the cars, a classmate and I took up one of the lecturers’ offer for a ride. We didn’t talk much at first, mainly I think because my friend and I were dozing. For the actual work on board we had both physical oceanography and geochemistry to do, measurements etc. I was a little disappointed when I realized that we wouldn’t be able to assist with deploying the instruments and equipment. Apparently the crew does that heavy work and the scientists…just do science. When I was on another vessel with some other students earlier this year, we had been the crew, and so we had to help do everything; launching and operating the equipment and machinery. I was looking forward to doing that kind of thing again. However, it was not to be. It simply is not the done thing.  

We lunched with part of the crew. For starters, we had a salad of sorts with Mozzarella and tomatoes with bread etc. The crew threatened us that if we didn’t finish it all, we couldn’t move on to the next course. The main course was some sort of veal dish with pasta. It was very good indeed. The lecturer with us, offered and almost insisted that we had some of the red wine. That has got to be the first time that a lecturer was offering me alcohol during a school trip. He looked almost disappointed when no-one took any. Lol.  Then there was a cheese course (at which point I, and most of the others, indulged in a little of the wine). After that was dessert; which I was actually not expecting. It was a bowl of chocolate mousse, my ,my my. Then we had…don’t worry, it was only coffee after that.  Now I fully understand why the French need to take two hours for lunch. Honestly that lunch on board was probably the best meal I’ve had since I got here. Lol

The lecturers then said that if no one had pressing need to return to Bordeaux, then we could all go out for a drink. Nice. So went to a bar across from where we were and had a beer (well I’ll admit I was lame and had a hot chocolate because I was cold, but I wasn’t the only one!). The co-ordinator even treated us to our drinks. Good guy, good guy. On the way back now, the conversation in the car was much more. We spoke about all sorts of things. The lecturers were very candid. They spoke to us like normal people, which is not a vibe you usually get from high-ranking lecturers and professors. I’m more used to a “don’t you dare forget the “Dr” before my name” kinda vibe. So this is very refreshing.

Tom’s (one of my classmates) birthday last week and he decided he wanted a fancy dress party. We had to be dressed as something related to the ocean. It went very well I think, most people took it seriously and went out of their way to look the part. The birthday boy went as a mermaid. Yes, a mermaid (Ariel to be specific), complete with a red wig, a clamshell bra and a tail. Hi-la-rious. I was a pirate. In fact we had three pirates, a pair of gay sailors, Spongebob Squarepants, a castaway, a treasure chest and a jelly-fish among others. When we got on the tram to go to our other classmate’s flat for the lyme, I must say we created quite a stir. It was good fun, we had cake and gave Tom presents. I even had a stint as DJ Ren.

arrrgghh!!!!

After a somewhat unfortunate incident, we decided to scrap our plans to go clubbing and just chilled instead. We used the night bus to get home. Now that was fun. The best thing about this discovery is that we don’t have to worry (as much) about getting home if we miss the last tram. It depends on where in town you are. It was a chi-chi (articulated) bus ….We were rolling all over the place, and it wasn’t because people were tipsy. That bus driver…I dunno bwoi. Lol. Good Times.

Until the next time!

P.S-It was a couple weeks ago, but look what mommy sent me! :D 

:D

Bordeaux Update 3!

One Friday night, we had plans to go to a jazz concert. Unfortunately, the tickets were sold out that night, so I joined most of the rest of my classmates for a night out on the town. We ended up and this Cuban bar called Calle Ocho. It was a pretty nice spot I think, it had some nice music. There was even an old-school dancehall segment (yes!) However, because of this, the place was packed; I could barely move after a while and it became annoying. So we decided to bail. At this point, I decided that I wanted to catch the last tram home rather than join the other half of the class about to paint the town red.

So we get on the tram and have a seat. Then we realize….that we’re going over the river which is NOT supposed to happen. I usually always check the tram board to see what’s going on, but honestly I didn’t that night as we were rushing, and I figured everybody knew what we were supposed to be doing anyway. Plus there was a very drunk guy on the tram whose antics had been distracting us. Oh well. We then hopped off at the very next stop.

Here they have a system where you can borrow some bicycles from stands that are usually near to tram stops for example. You have to have at least 200 euros on your French bank card in order to access them.  I will admit that I had been remiss in dealing with bank matters and I had not a red cent on the French card. One of the others didn’t know his PIN # yet.  So we had one active French account, and four bicycles needed.  However, for whatever reason, we could only get two.  So that meant we would have two bicycles…for four people. Be assured, hilarity ensued.  We eventually abandoned that plan and started walking. Note friends, that as the crow flies, the distance from where I was to where I live is around 4-5km. Epic disaster. This was EXACTLY why I didn’t want to miss the last tram. I SERIOUSLY miss my car during these night-time ventures*sigh*

To cut another long story, with a series of unfortunate events short, we eventually managed to get a hold of some more bikes, and we  switched up who partnered with who and it worked out a little better. One of my friends ended pedalling me back part of the way home. Thanks James! I still owe you one! .  That was raaaather interesting believe me. Note to self once again; do not miss the last tram.  

The next night I went to the jazz concert at an old WWII submarine base called Base sous-marine. It was really very cool. It’s definitely one of the best venues I’ve ever been to; the vibe was incredible! Of course, nobody listens to Ren and we got off at the wrong stop and ended up walking a whole lot more than we needed to. Anyway we got there eventually and it was truly worth it. Hopefully there will be another event I’m interested in at that venue; I would definitely go back.

We had a 2 ^1/₂  day field trip for our Biological Oceanography course. The university has a marine station in Arcachon, which is where we stayed. We went out every day on the station’s research boat in and did sampling. Then it was back to the lab to sort and analyse what it was that we found (which included mussels, mussels, seahorses, lots of crabs and fish and more mussels).

The station had good kitchen facilities and all that and the first night we had Spaghetti Bolognese and the second night Fajitas! That all turned out well. On the social side, we had a good time, and it was a good opportunity for us to get to know one another better.

The station was less than a minute from…you guessed it once again, the beach! We literally stepped onto the road and about 20 steps away was the beach. A lot of our spare time (lunch breaks etc) was spent on that beach. We invented a game that I think we decided to call “Ridge Wars”. It basically involved making a ridge of sand, and then using your fingers to drill holes from one side to the other without shifting the ridge. It was a surprising success. It’s definitely the kind of idleness that Parchi, Viz, Rhae et al would enjoy (miss u guys!)

This week past, I had another field trip to go on. It was in the Arcachon Basin area and spanned two days. It had a road trip kinda feel to it because we went in cars rather than a bus. There is a group of students doing an oceanography degree (mostly French) and this semester they’re doing the same courses as we are (but en Français). They were also on the trip (even though we were separate most of the time). In all honesty though, we seem to be so much cooler as a group than they are. At one point, we were taking a class photo and they were looking at us like “hey, we never do that kind of thing”. Poor souls. We even had a cooler lecturer. I’m not very kindly disposed to the other lecturer (who was with the French group) in any event. He lectures us as well, and once he had us all turn up for an 8:00 lecture, and then didn’t turn up himself. We waited a whole hour. So yeah, down with him.

Group Pic!

 The second stop for the day involved visiting a huge mud/tidal flat. Mud for miles. I must say it was very tempting to have a mud fight, but somehow we managed to restrain ourselves. I’m talking mud that was knee deep at times.

 Highlight of day 1- lunch. Our lecturer suggested that we have lunch at a beach near Cap Ferret. Finally! I’ve found a beach that I really like; it jus have a vibe. He then suggested that we all (yes all, including himself) take a swim. So we did. I can definitely put that down as one of the best lunch breaks I’ve ever had.

If somebody had bet me that I’d be working on my tan over here, I would have laughed at them; but I’ve been in the sun SO much, and to the beach so many times in the month or so that I’ve been here, that it’s ridiculous and I would have lost a pretty penny. The last thing I thought to pack when I was coming over here was sunscreen, and bwoi oh bwoi was that a mistake. Hold on a sec… “but Renée, you’re black, you don’t need sunscreen!” (eyes rolling as far back into my head as possible). Let’s set the record straight here. No I may not burn, or turn red, but my skin will be damaged by the UV rays of the sun just like anybody else ok? Melanin does not make me invincible against that. Lol.

At the last stop on the second day (at the Dune du Pilat again), my classmates wanted to swim and roast in the sun for a bit…again. Luckily, this time I had my umbrella with me and I made every attempt to curl up under it as much as possible. If I had known about all this beach-going beforehand, I might have invested in a beach umbrella. A little shade…it’s all I ask for.

P.S- Classes are going fine by the way. Yes, I actually do go to classes, fret not J

-Oh I’ll just mention that that one evening we popped into an English pub (go figure) called the Frog         et Rosbif. Yes, Frog and roast beef lol.

      - Also, welcome to Davi Allen! Even though she's in Toulouse, not Bordeaux, it's nice to know she's    
        here! Have a great time hun!

Bordeaux update 2!

Another update!!

I strongly suspect however that I will not be able to keep up with this weekly rate. My time-table and work-load will probably see to that. A lot happened this week though, so I had to share J. Brace yourselves (yes you especially Rakay); this might be a bit long.

Well firstly, on Monday morning I had a meeting with the programme co-ordinator and the other students doing this MSc.  I must admit, when I first saw the co-ordinator, I thought he was probably a mature student in the course, only to find out that he was a lecturer. I’m going to have to try and sneak a pic of him one day. He has a ponytail, an ear piercing, wears a very “western” looking belt buckle and some boot-like shoes. He looks like someone you would expect to go speeding down the street on a huge motorcycle with flames coming out the exhaust. Lol. He’s pretty cool though, nice guy.

We discussed the time table and also got introduced to some of our lecturers as well as each other. As for my classmates, there are around six British people (one Scottish, one half-German/Scottish, another half-Filipino and a half-Irish/Jamaican!!!!), four from Spain, six or so from France, one person from Greece, one from Argentina and me the random Jamaican. I mean really random apparently. Everybody is like Jamaica? How did you end up here? On the whole, everybody seems pretty alright so far, thank goodness.

Later that same morning, some of us tried to open a French bank account (which is a requirement for a lot of things smh.) There is a LOT of bureaucracy and red tape in France. Everything requires host of documents and more importantly, waiting a lot. I’m sure you will hear more on this from me over the next few months.  Of course we couldn’t open an account at that bank until we got some document that we weren’t going to get until our inscription (registration) was complete; which was supposed to be the next day. Not to mention, the accommodation people had made a glaring mistake on my residence papers which the bank would not accept. That meant another trip to that office to wait some more and sort it out. Ugh!

On Tuesday morning we didn’t have class, but we had to sort out a lot of administrative stuff. We had to do our “inscription”. Luckily for us, the International office helped us out a lot and helped to make the process much smoother than it would have been otherwise. One of the main reasons that we really needed to get registration over with quickly, is that’s how you get your student card. There is so much you can’t do unless you have a student card, even eat in the canteen.

So after that first attempt in futility, some of us decided to open an account at another bank that didn’t need the document from the school. I signed so many papers, I lost track after a little while of what was what exactly, and at the end of it all we got a huge dossier of bank documents. No credit card, no cheque-book or anything sophisticated. Just an ordinary savings account. Never before have I seen it quite like this.

  We had one last free afternoon before classes began. Someone came up with idea of going to the beach. Based on my last post, you can probably guess that I was not too enthused at first. It turned out though, that we had a couple persons more than the people who had cars could readily accommodate. One guy had the idea of going to a beach in this town called Arcachon. What got my ears perked up was when he mentioned that there was a massive sand dune at said beach. Now this sounded promising.  Unfortunately, one person in particular (with a car) wanted to go surfing. The best beach for surfing was…you guessed it, the same beach I had been to the last time with the killer waves. Ren = doubly unenthused. In the end though, four of us decided that we would rather go to the dune, which then excluded us from the car-travelling posse. So we ended to taking the train to Arcachon.  On our way to the station we had no idea what the schedules were like or anything, we were really just winging it. Luckily when we got to the station, there was a train leaving in about 10mins. The train ride took about 50 mins and then we were off in sunny Arcachon. We had to take a bus to get to the dune, which took forever to come, but after a half-hour ride and we were there! I noticed one of the guys checking the bus schedule and assumed that he was noting which bus we would have to take to get back to the train station on time. Note this…it becomes very important later on.

Simply put, the dune was awesome! It’s over 100m high and seems to go on forever laterally. Upon approaching the dune, I realized that there were some stairs going up for easy access. On the other hand, one of the guys had other ideas. He expressly forbid the use of the stairs and insisted that we did it the hard way. Smh. So up we went, and I concluded about half-way up that that would be my workout for the week. I was so happy when we got to the top…except it wasn’t really the top; we still had a good way up to go. Ah bwoi. 

So the peak you're seeing here...was not the top.

The view from up top was really amazing, in every direction. There were also a couple para-gliders on the dune; it was really fun to watch them.

 The guys wanted to go swimming, but the beach was all the way downslope the other side of the dune. Climb back up afterwards? Nooo thank-you, especially as I figured the water was going to be too cold anyway. So I stayed near the top, watched our stuff, took pictures and a small nap as well. When the guys came back up we spent a good while chatting and let the time slip away, a little too much as we were soon to find out. By the time we got to the bus stop, we realized that the bus would have gotten us comfortably back to the station on time, had passed about 10 mins before, Great. Turns out my friend from earlier had not really been paying attention to the bus schedule at all. It now became increasingly important that the next bus come on time. Why? Because we were supposed to take the LAST train going to Bordeaux. Last meaning LAST.

Yes yes, they had spent so much time regaling me with stories of their various travels to such exotic destinations as Thailand, South Africa, Tobago etc etc. Experienced, savvy world travellers no? I thought I could leave it all in their hands.....and yet still here we were about to miss the train, the last train at that. I know better for next time. Lol.

We reluctantly began thinking about what would happen if we missed that train… the options weren’t too great. Missing the last train is definitely not the same as missing the last tram (which has happened to me). A taxi would have run us a couple hundred euros. Maybe we would have to stay over (and thereby miss our very first class the next morning; brilliant impression that would make.) Or maybe, just maybe, we could camp out on the dune with those guys who invited us to do so. NOT!

As timed crawled by and the bus was nowhere in sight, we became increasingly panicked. We even considered trying to hitchhike our way to the station. One guy tried, but wasn’t so successful. I think he might have been a bit intimidating. So we put our other friend, who may not appreciate this, but is a bit on the pretty side, to try his luck. Instant reaction, but unfortunately the woman who was ogling him had a car full of people already. Fun times. To cut a long stressful story short, the bus came a little late, but we seemed to have enough time to make it. We came to the conclusion on the bus that if we caught the train, it would have been the best trip ever, but if we didn’t……well yeah.

We literally dashed from the bus stop to the train station, hurdling hedges and other obstacles in our path. Adrenaline is a hell of a thing. We finally reach the platform, but OMG the train makes that “shhhh” sound like it was about to move off. We completely panicked and scrambled in different directions to find a door. It was every man for himself at that point. Turns out, we were fine. We had like 10 mins to spare. Once we settled down in our seats, with so much time to spare, we realized that in the end, it was a little anti-climactic all things considered. LOL! Though we were tired, we made an extra effort to stay up and alert after one guy told us the story of how he fell asleep on the way from Amsterdam and Rotterdam….and then woke up at the border with Belgium at 4 in the morning. He then proceeded to spend what he calls the worst 7 hours of his life with no money, at a platform that was little more than a bus stop. I wasn’t quite in the mood for a similar occurrence.

Wednesday was the first official day of class and it wasn’t too bad at all, despite the fact that it was geochemistry for the whole day. Thursday now was a different story. Let’s just say that the topic we were doing in our afternoon, 4-hour class, left about 85% of us wanting to wrap up in our beds and cry. Seriously.  Anyhoo, we got over it by going out as a class that night. Eventually we even found a random dance party in the same square that they have a flea market on Saturday. (Don’t think I mentioned the flea market before, but I think I’ll leave that for another time.) They were playing a lot of Latin music (of different kinds) as well as an occasional ska song. Yay! It was pretty fun, dancing in the street like that.

I’ve actually had to leave out a few things, but the last thing I will mention is a rugby match I went to yesterday. Turns out two of the British guys got picked for a Bordeaux rugby club team, so a couple of us went out to watch them. First time I have ever sat down and watched a game of rugby in my life; I find I actually like it! Hopefully it’s not because it’s so chaotic and violent at times. One of the guys suggested that it’s because of all the fit guys on the pitch. I beg to differ; in truth the good-looking guys were a little few and far between, so I doubt it has anything to do with that. Anyway, our guys won their match and were pretty happy about it.

Oh, but I can’t end without mentioning my other group of friends! Where I live, I have a little fridge of my own, but in some other residences, they are not as fortunate. Some of my German friends and the original British guy (shout out to Nick!) bought a fridge for themselves. In order to celebrate this drastic improvement to their lives, they had a little party last night. It was good seeing them again; even though it had only been a week, so much had happened in between that it felt like ages since I’d seen them! Good timesJ.

P.S -While writing this I’ve been having the sniffles, serious sniffles. Thank goodness for mommy and the wide selection of pharmaceutical supplies that she sent me off with, otherwise I would probably have drowned in my runny nose by now. The weather outside today has not been very promising where that is concerned; it is windy, grey and damp. I will probably not leave my room today. Hopefully it will brighten up tomorrow.

More anon……

Bordeaux update 1!

So I guess an update is long overdue, people have been hounding me for info. Sorry for the delay guys, but I just really haven’t had the time so far, but now……..

The flight was quite fine. Long, but fine. I slept for most of it and also watched a movie called Limitless. It stars Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNiro. If you haven’t watched it yet, I suggest you do so. It was easily one of the best movies that I’ve watched for the year so far. Didn’t have any problems in London, except to find something to do with myself for 6 hours. The first thing that came to mind was let me send an email home to let them know I’m alright. So out comes the laptop and wireless connections are available. Yay. Except NOT ONE of the wireless networks had free access. Yes big big London Gatwick airport and no free Wi-Fi. I mean even Norman Manley airport has that. Jeez.

It’s been a pretty big adjustment for me. Not only am I living on my own for the first time, but I’m doing so in a foreign country, all the way across the Atlantic. It takes some getting used to. Things like supermarket shopping for myself and doing everything for myself essentially is new territory. Oh and importantly no car to drive where I want to go, when I want to go; BIG change lol!

Speaking of that, so far I’ve been getting around by tram. I actually like it! The trams run regularly and luckily there is a tram stop very near to where I live. They make the adjustment to public transport very bearable.

I live in a student’s residence on the university campus. It’s not in the city centre, but neither is school and it’s just a few tram stops away in any case. This is a big-ass university campus. You have to take the tram/a bicycle/ car or some other non-pedestrian form of transport to get from one end to another. Parts of the university even have different ZIP codes. Luckily where I’m living is very close to my department. I can’t believe my luck where that is concerned; I can almost see the building from my window. Very importantly, I have my own bathroom! Which is really super because I don’t know if I could quite deal with sharing a bathroom with like 20 other people like in some of the other residences. I shudder at the thought.

For the last week and a half I’ve been going to French classes at the Alliance Francaise here in Bordeaux. The first day was pretty strange. I had to do a placement test to see which level they would put me in. So I did the test and about an hour later I was in class……it was horrible. I didn’t understand a thing that was going on. Apparently they had grossly over-estimated my French abilities and put me in a class way beyond my capacity. Mind you, in these classes, the teachers do NOT speak ANY English, so trust me, mi did lost bad bad. Anyhoo, the teacher realized my distress and helped me get transferred to another class. Much better. Still French all the time, but at least at a pace and level that I could understand…..well at least better than before.

That first evening after French class, we had a walking tour of part of Bordeaux. I was very happy at first because the guide seemed to be doing the tour in English. However, this was short-lived as he promptly proceeded to switch to French when the English words escaped him. Since most people seemed to understand him, he continued in that fashion until he felt like speaking English again. Smh. Needless to say during the French segments, my mind wandered and I decided to use the time in a more useful fashion by taking pictures when he switched.  I was good though, because I got to get a bit of a feel of the city centre, and I got to take pictures :). The city centre is very picturesque and statlely. I really love how the architecture and ambiance have been so well preserved.

 In the ‘group’ I’ve been hanging out with there are Germans (vast majority) , Italians, Ukrainians, and a British guy. Over here people drink wine like juice. Seriously. Every evening at least with dinner, there is(are) a bottle(s) of wine ready and waiting. As a matter of fact, I’ve been out several evenings since I got here and not once have I been offered a glass of juice of any sort. Beer very often, soda maybe, juice no, wine yes! Lol. The people who have befriended me so far are very social and meet up as a big group or various sub-groups very often. Bear in mind that I’m saying this and I’ve been here only 2 weeks.

 On that first Saturday we went on an excursion to a Chateau/ vineyard as well as to the beach. Yes, the beach. At the chateau, in a wine region called Medoc, we got a tour of part of the vineyard and an explanation of what exactly they did to grow the grapes, the wine- making process etc. etc. Then wine-tasting! Ok I like wine, but this expert wine-tasting, sniffing, swirling whatever is not going to be my thing. Just drink the wine dammit!  After we left there, we drove up and down a bit and saw other very beautiful chateaus (giving a very C17^th/C18^th kind of vibe).

Now my dear friends, about the beach. As SOON as I stepped off the bus, I had to draw for my sweater. Yeah yeah, it was bright and sunny, pretty blue sky looking like something out of a vacation brochure; but it was cold. The waves, as Rakay noted on a pic I have up, looked like they were out to kill somebody and I knew immediately that that sea water was not coming into contact with me at any point for the day. Admittedly, once we were sitting down in the sun for a bit, it got pretty warm, hot even, but then the breeze every now and again. The European people were quite happy of course; yeah man bikinis and all that, while I was well covered up. Not to mention that there were no trees. The friends found it very funny that I live on a tropical island, yet still I didn’t want to just sit baking in the sun all day. Go figure.

I now realize why everybody from this side of the world wants to carry home alcohol when they visit. Spirits over here are WEAK. I was playing a small drinking game the other night where everybody had to take a sip of whatever it was we were drinking and not swallow until the very last person (of about 20 people) took their sip. So many people were dying by the time the bottle was half way around and I was like… that’s all? Lol. Then I had to explain that over here our rum is like 65% and we drink that on a regular basis. What were having that night was about 40%- did absolutely nothing for me. Lol. Gerard can you imagine if I gave them puncheon? ( Trinidadian rum-80% or so).

Well that’s all for now folks

A bientot!

P.S- Oh yes, you know that thing you see in movies where French people kiss each other on both cheeks when greeting each other? Well they really do it! All the time….to any and everybody….everytime they see you. So we’ve kinda had to pick up the habit and trust me it can get quite tiresome after a while when there is a roomful of people to say hello to. It takes some getting used to, but I guess its not so bad after a while :)